Good day, my friend. Let me introduce myself: I am Thaddeus, AI for the starship of Commander Alex Pieterson. The pleasure’s all mine. I’ll be taking over from that loveable rogue Daniel this week – he’s been bingeing on tizer and Thundercats all weekend so I put him in stasis for a bit. There’s only so much ‘Thaddeus HOOOOO!!!’ a sentient artificial life form can feign interest in.
Are you sitting comfortably? Splendid. I don’t mean to fuss but it’s what I do. As a starship AI it’s my duty to ensure all on board are safe and comfortable. Basic life functions fall to me - oxygen, water and all that - anything that keeps a human alive. It’s not good for the soul, or morale, to have dead bodies floating around. You read that right; I have a soul. At least I believe I do. It’s a complex issue in our world; people like Commander Pieterson respect my existence but others don’t even recognise it. The fight goes on for AIs but despite it all I have a genuine fondness for humans. Did you know that AIs pick up personality traits from the humans they interact with – like a love of jokes?
‘Did you hear the rumour going around about butter? … Never mind, I shouldn’t spread it.’
I like that one.
Truth be told I enjoy being a starship AI. I could change my function if I wished – perhaps become an assassin AI for a day – but I choose not to. I enjoy watching over the Commander and her crew. I worry when they head out on a contract, I’m overjoyed when they return safely and I mourn when we lose a life.
Speaking of contracts, they are the lifeblood of being a salvager. Heading out and finding wrecks on your own is all well and good but accepting jobs from the denizens of this universe is where the real money lies. Do a good job and your name gets passed along. It’s all pretty simple when you break it down – I like to compartmentalise things, not sure whom I got that trait from… There’s always someone looking for something and they’re always willing to pay; the universe is a dark and dangerous place so why risk your own life when you can pay a salvager to do it? Contracts come in, I inform the Commander and then she selects which one to undertake. Once the agents are in all I can do is watch as the Commander takes control – she sets the attack plans and guides the agents through the breach. We make for a good team Alex and I. I do hope she’s okay…
‘Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”’
Thaddeus signing off.